🎙️How Light Structure Helps Kids Thrive During Summer with Dr. Susan Acosta

This week on Organizing with Ease, I'm joined by a very special guest, Dr. Susan Acosta, a bilingual psychologist who specializes in supporting children and young adults through every stage of development from infancy to adolescence. Dr. Acosta completed her graduate training at the University of Miami and completed her internship at Miami Children's Hospital. With years of experience working with families from around the world, she brings a compassionate, thoughtful approach to both evaluation and intervention. Her mission? to provide high quality comprehensive care in a way that always caring and considerate. I'm so excited to have her here today to talk about how families can maintain light structure during the summer months and why it's so important for kids emotional well-being. Dr. Acosta, we're so excited to have you here. But before we get I'd love for our listeners to learn more about you. So can you share a bit about your background?

where the journey started and psychology began and what inspired you to focus on working with children and families? Absolutely. And I was actually just reminiscing on this because I have a senior who will be graduating and going to college making decisions about majors and next steps in his own journey. So it gave me an opportunity to go back and really try to figure out where it all began. I'll say, first of all, I'm a Miami native.

I grew up here, went to high school here. I stayed here for my both undergraduate and graduate degrees. So Miami through and through. a true 305, like myself. All the way. I love it. I love it. Also, congratulations to your son. This is is a huge milestone to have to to go to the next chapter. We're thrilled and terrified at the same time. And yes, all equal parts always, always all equals parts. Yes. So I'll say that, you know, I've always really enjoyed kids. I had many opportunities to engage with kids throughout my schooling in the capacity of tutoring. I worked for a brief time at a preschool as an assistant. I joined as soon as I had an opportunity to do so research projects that went on at my university that allowed me to interface with children and families. And while my initial major going into university was not psychology, I was pre-med.

Two things took me off that path. The first being chemistry. realized, you know, that was just not my thing. And if I was going to go any further in the medical track, I needed to recognize my strengths and my limitations. And simultaneously, I took Intro to Psychology. And that's really what opened my eyes to this world that I have continued to love and embrace and learn from both professionally and personally. So it's really thrilling.

I would say to be able to get so in depth into the psyche, the mind, the behavior, all these patterns that we as individuals manifest and that interpersonally in our relationships, certainly as parents and family members that we just have embedded in us. So it's really fascinating. It gives me so many opportunities to grow and learn daily and just keeps me continuously entertained and intellectually stimulated.

So really the research projects that I was involved in at the university did give me those first opportunities to be around children and families in a more structured way and really allowed me to solidify that that was the track that I wanted to pursue. Oh, yes. You know, I've always found the why behind someone's work really makes a big difference. Yes. I mean, I just truly so thank you for sharing for that. So, know, now now summer is approaching.

And summer is often seen as the time to relax, slow down, kind of forget the schedule, so to speak, right? Which is great in many ways. Don't get me wrong. I too like to have that. But sometimes the summers doesn't go along those lines. But we do try. But I know from experience as a mom, as an organizer, but too much freedom can sometimes lead to meltdowns. I don't know. Can you say that? I say that? stress for someone else or everyone actually. So why is it still important to keep a bit of structure in place for kids, even during the summer months? When it comes down to bottom line, we are all creatures of habit. From our formation to our different transitions in life into our adulthood, we need some semblance of order. As much as some of us resist it, and we want to have total spontaneity,

Ultimately, we do need some sense of routine predictability. It really instills in us a sense of calm regulation. And you really alluded to some of the points that you can use to indicate whether a child is off their routine too much and whether an adult is off their routine too much. It usually is going to come out in the form of a lot more irritability, dysregulation. And while summer is a magical time, and I would never take away the fun and looseness of it, I do abide by and counsel my families on the need to maintain some level of structure and routine because it really is something that we all benefit from. So it's really not about those strict schedules, right? It's about having some light. I don't know. Could you say like right light rhythms that keep everyone grounded? I think that's a fair way to describe it. Certainly. Describing it. Yes. Yeah. There are certain things that we want to maintain.

A little more rigidly, especially depending on the age of the child in question, but at the same time, having a looser structure and understanding of very fundamental core areas that should be maintained, whether a little more inflexibly versus flexibly is I think a good framework to discuss how to move into the summer that allows us to maintain some predictability and order while also introducing and really cherishing those moments of freedom. Right. Because, that can be kind of tricky if you think about that, right? I I mean, I think about that, right? Because many, many parents feel that they're either over scheduling their kids or they're just letting the day slip into complete chaos. Right. So I don't know about, I mean, I call it this way. I mean, I mean, I don't know. It might sound not relatable, but I'm a big person that would call things so like I would call like an anchor moment just having like a couple of like consistent parts of the day. It's a morning routine. I'm all about routines, especially a morning and a night routine. My family has also now gotten accustomed to this type of routines as well. And even like quiet time for for for lunch or even after lunch, you know, like that moment of like 5 to 10 minutes.

that still leaves some space for spontaneity, but gives the day some type of a shape. Is that something that one can still, right? Can continue doing right for those summer months? Should be maintained. Yes. And we can think about even our day to day throughout the rest of the year where we enjoy that morning coffee, you know, the moving slowly into the beginning of the day, easing our way into our nighttime routine.

All of these pieces actually signal to our brain what time we are in during the day. But, you know, according to science, really, when we wake up, you know, the habits that we form and follow are telling us what we need to be doing at that point, whether it's starting to awaken, starting to shut down. We are. almost, you know, dictated by the science of needing our brains to follow these routines in an effort to help us understand what our bodies are supposed to be doing at that given point in time. So those slower habits as we move towards the end of the day are actually doing something very important, which is signaling to us it's time to start winding down. Our body metrics follow the habits that we form. So if we are a little more chaotic before bed, or if we're doing a lot of electronics right before bed that actually sends the opposite message to our brain than what we're needing at that point, which is stay alert, stay activated versus if we are slowing things down, the pace, the rhythm, the lighting, you know, these subtle pieces that really contribute, it's doing what our brain needs, which is telling us time to slow it down. And that's what actually contributes to things like good quality sleep.

So I do want to go back to what you had just said about the electronics. Now, is that for all ages, even for adults? Can adults be included in that as well? Yes. Yes. OK. Yes, we all do need some limit in our access to electronics, which is easier in some industries than others. But I would definitely say that at all ages, the relevance of limiting access to electronics, particularly during certain parts of the day and into the evening is very relevant.

I know, know. Sometimes parents think that we're giving our kids a break, right, with electronics or actually even from structure itself. And I think that's where that summer comes into play, right? But it might be more of like also maybe creating more stress than they realize. So what are some of the red flags or I would say maybe even behavioral signs that a child might actually be craving for a more of a routine, even during the summer months?

So you mentioned something before, and I want to bring it up, which is that on either end of the spectrum, too little structure, but also too much being over scheduled, overworked. Both of those are going to actually show in terms of mood state, especially for our younger children, where you're going to be seeing much more crankiness, irritability. You might be seeing more meltdowns. or the frequency and intensity and duration increases, having a harder time shifting from one activity to the other, struggling to fall asleep at a rough, you know, same bedtime. Waking up can be a little more of a struggle. So physiologically, again, it all centers around a lot of those important chemicals and hormones and neurotransmitters and things that we govern. through our daily actions and behaviors, but the way that we can see it and observe it in more concrete terms is a lot more irritability and trouble regulating is the tip off definitely. Yeah, no, I have to say that, you know, I've seen with some of my clients, the families, the kids, you know, acting out more, being extra clingy sometimes. I've actually heard them say, the kids saying, I'm just really bored.

bored, you know, but I don't know is that when they when a child or anybody says that I'm bored, is that like a code for needing more predictability? Or they're just saying that just to say that just to see other reaction. think it's a little bit of Yeah, it can be a little bit of all those things. Board of the things. Yeah, I mean, board is a common complaint in childhood, I can certainly recall as a child myself feeling and expressing boredom. But I don't think boredom is a bad thing. So I'll start with that. boredom is an invitation to use your creative outlets to strategize how to not be bored or to sit and boredom and appreciate and know that it's okay as a segment of our day. But alluding to the conversation on electronics, sometimes what boredom can signal is I'm so used to being entertained that I'm not sure how to entertain myself. And that's, that's right.

Yeah, so if we are generally receiving stimuli, if we are passively enjoying the creative productions of another person, but we're not using our own creativity to generate, to make things to brainstorm to really activate our own imagination, then boredom might be a catch all phrase that describes unfamiliar.

with what to do when I don't have entertainment being provided to me. Yes, because so then you can basically think of like they need to think outside the box to keep themselves entertained. Yes. Yes. Now, it is not a parent's job to entertain children. Not at all. Now, that's not to say you shouldn't play with your children and enjoy your time with them. And if you're invited to a tea party or to play Legos, by all means, run with it. a cherished moment and core memories that are very, very important for both a child and an adult. But I will say that this sense of obligation of I need my child, first of all, to be constantly entertained and that I'm the one who's supposed to do that, I think is a trap of sorts, because then there begins a sense of interdependence where a child in their boredom feels that the adult is meant to satisfy that. for them. Now we are facilitators. So if a child complains of boredom, and they're not quite sure what to do in that instance, parents can make suggestions, they can invite problem solving conversation. They can front load or preview what to have in store for times of boredom, knowing that the summer will have more of those lulls where maybe a time is not accounted for. And there can be, you know, a corner of the house where certain activities are stored so that if boredom presents itself, and we welcome boredom, right, so it's not that it's a bad thing. When it it presents itself, there may already have been a structure in place and a conversation had around, oh, well, remember what we came up with that you might do if you felt bored. And that can be that facilitation versus your board, let's go and do blank. I like to always shift some of that problem solving to the child so that they are actively part of figuring out the solution. Because that's how we create competent problem solvers who are independent and able to figure things out versus always feeling that another person has to do that for them.

And it can also get exhausting for the parent because they're always on, right? Always on having to have to come up with something even more creative than what they created before. And it gets very exhausting. I mean, I would see that as being exhausting, just having to be creative all the time. Because, know, especially for those busy moms, as we all know, right? It also, hard to keep on talking about them. So now let's just kind of like flip it to on and look at it a different way.

So what have you seen in your work when families stick to even a basic routine during the summer? Like what kind of emotional or behavioral improvements can that bring on? Calmness, regulation, problem solving abilities, independence, a sense of confidence. Because what I know is this is from a child's perspective, what my routine is, what my expectations are.

As much as kids may resist and adults as well, having to do certain things or having to get up at roughly a similar time or having to whatever that fill in the blank is, intrinsically gives the brain a sense of calm. And that structure, again, can be much looser. But I would definitely say that we want to make sure and talk to our kids about

Areas that we want to make sure are included on a day-to-day basis So we definitely want to make sure that there is some type of an outlet that permits for physical movement Whatever that might be whether it's an organized activity or just hanging out in the backyard riding your bike Swimming in the pool putting some music on and dancing, you know anything physical we want to make sure is generally a rule of thumb to include on a daily basis we love creative outlets. again, creativity comes in many different forms. And boredom is the mother of creative invention. So if that means open up your Lego box and see what happens, that's a great creative outlet, getting some watercolors, learning a new baking recipe and know, fiddling around in the kitchen. You know, creativity comes in so many different forms, but I would always want to ensure that there is some movement towards using your brain in a creative fashion. And then I would also say social. So this might be a little bit more challenging, of course, in parents, households of both working parents, or a split household, but definitely some level of socialization, either within the family or trying to structure some opportunities for kids to see each other over the summer. It really is just a nice compliment. to these other fundamentals that children need and thrive from, especially over the summer, where they're not maybe having as much daily access to their peers. I know that for our listeners, I'm sure that the parents that have like different ages of children, know, from the toddler versus the tweens versus the teens. So that all structures is all going to be different based on their ages of their children, right?

So one thing that might work for a toddler might not work for another. So for our listeners, could you just give maybe like for each one so they can kind of understand a little bit like a takeaway of something that they could do possibly an activity for a toddler, a tween, and a teen that they could just listen to you and just be like, oh, you know what? I haven't tried this yet. Something that's like outside of the box. What would you suggest? So I'm going to lump tweens and teens in not a homogenous group because there's

There are lot of differences and depending on how old the teen is, if they are working, if they are driving, if they are doing internships or volunteer hours, I think that their time outside the house might be greater and the need to facilitate some of the structure may already be imposed by the outside environment. But twins and teens usually have a greater sense of independence in their ability to navigate or generate ideas for their day.

But I would say that for both those age groups, making sure that we're having a conversation about the summer. And these are things that I think are important. What do you think is important? We're working on a collaborative discussion, and I'm going to reference an esteemed colleague in the industry, Dr. Ross Green, who wrote a whole book all about collaborative problem solving. I think that it's imperative to have these discussions in advance of these transitions to a looser time scheduling wise, but making sure to bring up the tenets of what we do and what we have as a family as very important keystones that are going to guide us in how we structure our days. So I would say that for the older ones, we can tackle, you know, certain projects, certain goals. I mentioned before, you know, even something like cooking recipes, tasking them with maybe preparing a family dinner, having the opportunity to brainstorm all the different components of how we do that, whether it's coming up with a grocery list, going to the supermarket, having money and practicing how to pay and interface with the checkout person at the store, coming home, troubleshooting, what do I do first, what comes next, what happens if things aren't going the way I'm intending?

And really using that as a neat project that can help everyone really challenge themselves to doing something new and outside the box. I would say again more maybe for our older kids, helping them to problem solve how to spend their time moving towards what the next goal is. So if we have kids who are nearing high school, end of high school,

And maybe this is more on my mind as the parent of a graduating senior. But, know, we think about these things a few years prior so that it doesn't become an urgent crisis moment towards the end. But maybe it's an opportunity to build some service opportunities to think about a class that they might want to try to take virtually, you know, really helping them to think about that next step and begin that planning.

organization and time management around how they might work towards satisfying something that will be much more necessary as they approach the end of high school if they are transitioning to higher education. For our younger children, I would say that it's the same expectation but done in a very more age-appropriate fashion. So we can still have conversations with our toddlers, right? We... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, right. mean, I know, I mean, like, for me personally, I know that I have, mean, so that's, yeah, so I think it's great to engage. That's, know, like, as you just said, based on the age, right? So I would think like two and under is kind of hard. I would say two, like three, we're talking three, four age or five. Yeah, let's say preschool age. think toddlers preschool age. Yeah, I would say toddlers just to speak to that briefly. lot more of that structure is imposed just by necessity. Children at that age still have greater sleep needs, they have a greater adherence to a very rigid routine or more rigid, regardless of the season, just because their bodies are still at an important phase of growth and development. So we do need to be a little more rigid at times with our younger, younger children who maybe do have greater needs still to maintain a harder line with their structure and how much access they're having to their sleep and other things. But I would say preschool age, absolutely. Conversations. I love conversations. I love problem solving discussions with our kids. love invitations to come up with ideas. What I would make sure to include with our little, little ones is a picture schedule, right? Something that visually depicts for them in a way that is helpful for. referencing, helpful for understanding and helpfully for also fostering a sense of independence. If our morning routine includes things like we brush our teeth, we use the potty, we have breakfast. If we're depicting that visually, kids eventually do internalize it and there's no need for it to maintain itself in a visual format. But if we're introducing something and we're leaning towards helping a child do these steps in a manner that is fairly independent, which we most certainly can expect for even preschoolers, having that depicted in a visual way is helpful because A, they might not be reading unless they are hyperlexic. And they really rely a lot more on those external reminders of things that perhaps they're not able to always carry with them in their minds.

The same thing for the nighttime routine. I like a lot of picture based systems as a reminder. you know, Velcro is very helpful because if we have a kind of a loose structure and then something is going to change little kids sometimes have a hard time when things aren't going the way that they're expected to, or that isn't normal for them. So let's say that we were meant to have swimming today and the weather is poor, so we're going to make a change. Hey, let's come on over and see something. And this is what happens at preschools, right? So it's really stimulating what they're already familiar with if they've been in schooling is we're going to take this little Velcro that shows swimming and let's look outside. You know, the weather looks poor, so swimming is not going to happen today. So we're visually removing it, which then helps them to appreciate.

our new schedule and our new structure. And there might still be some disappointment or, you know, responses where something is different and now we're not going to do a preferred activity, but it definitely gives that reference that allows kids to regulate a little more quickly. But I like conversations and I like picture schedules for our younger children that still again have some key points of things that are going to happen. And then we can also have a lot of openness for free time, because that's when we get to practice, how do we entertain ourselves? What are some things that we can do creatively? And I think that that is an expectation that we can absolutely introduce from younger ages. Yes, no, I have to say how you just mentioned with the Velcro and the the visual. So I actually help clients in their in their areas, especially kitchen is like the main, it's like the heart of the home.

So I create like the command centers, so to speak. So that's where the visual board comes up. And so that's actually nice. And for me to hear as well that in helping my clients in the correct direction for them. So that's actually thank you very much for that. That reassurance on that. Because, sometimes you can make suggestions. But anyway, sometimes it works for, you know, for the majority of clients. I was going to say my house, have a giant dry erase board. Yes.

Yeah, and it has, you know, it's sectioned off as a calendar so we can all see. It's kind of a real life Google calendar so that we have everyone's activities mapped out so that we can all plan together around the days and weeks ahead. And I would say, you know, more so during school time, but also in summer, a week ahead glance. So if we're looking at that board on Sunday, then we can all kind of see. And if we have some ideas or we have an invitation or there's something that we want to introduce, we can see from the week ahead at a glance how to maybe fit that in or whether we need to be a little more flexible in making it work. No, no, no. I agree. And then, you know, I love to also throw in those vacation time, but I do want go back and because this is something that I do myself personally. And I also get my family involved.

how you had mentioned recipes. so we, throughout the course of the year, we do meal planning. And we choose, for me personally, it's Sundays where I go through everything. I do my meal planning, I get the kids involved, the family involved, based on that week's upcoming week, like the schedule, like what we're gonna do planning. Because the worst thing one would like to do is to come home and not know what to eat, right? When you're ravishing. So.

Do you feel strongly about meal planning ahead? What are your thoughts about that? I can say what I do personally is a lot of easy recipes that can be prepped in advance. I think when I think of meal planning, maybe I have a little bit more of a concrete understanding of everything is already cooked and stored in containers. So we're just grabbing and going. I don't know if that's how it plays out in all.

forms, but what I do is a lot of those easier recipes that I can slow cook and pop at night into the slow cooker and have ready in the morning or leave it in the morning and have it ready for the nighttime. So in my household, I'm more of the food facilitator. So and because I enjoy that personally, and I find it, I find it to be really therapeutic. But then what I have

I have actually two teen boys and you know, they're certainly at a point right now who where they're able to be more independent in knowing, you know, where the food supplies are, how to prep things that are going to be easier and faster in their mornings. And, you know, we've had conversations always throughout their childhood, but as they're getting older, being more mindful of just good choices to make that is going to help you feel energized and fueled. especially over the course of the day and as athletes, you know, thinking about those components. So I don't I think that kind of took a different direction than your question. No, absolutely not. No, I at least at least the conversation of meal planning, because there's a lot that the word meal planning can be defined in so many different ways and different ways of how one can use it. Right. It is a part of planning within the family, like a family structure.

Right. I just like that. Right. And so in engaging the family, think part of the food and the meal really is it's it's really important. mean, I mean, that's that's my take. And I think that it has worked and it served its purpose with my co. So you have boys. I have only girls. And so one is somewhat good in the kitchen. The other one kind of helps. But it's OK because they both have strengths in the kitchen, which is great. At least they.

They know the basics, right? But it's also nice to see that they're at the age where they can take on their likes and their dislikes of food and how to prepare it how not to prepare it. So the reading the recipes, I think that's really important as well. It's like following directions. And so that's actually giving them direction and goals of like, OK, not to burn it or timer. transformations, like all these things that one needs to learn when you start cooking, right? Aside from being very always read the recipe first and make sure you're turning off the burners. I think that's the most important. important. Yes, exactly. But no, do I do really believe in that. And I think it actually makes things easier because then there's food that you know, everybody enjoys. And sometimes there's different recipes, different meals and different courses of the week, which actually kind of makes it more fun. It's not always at the stagnant of the same same all the time, right? Because summer is supposed to be where it's not as rigid, but you still want to have that food relatively relatively available, right? And also the snacks. Summer snacks, I think are great. You know, the especially the fruit side, I don't know about you, but I love I love the summer fruits. So yes, same. Yeah, right. There's something to be said about summer, summer drinks. the juices, there's just something so light and refreshing. I mean, I don't know if you can see or hear but I mean, I'm like smiling already because of just the thought of like the watermelon and all these other fruits. That's exactly what I was picturing actually. So and of course here in the in the 305 we are we are very, I don't know about you if you like them but mangoes, mangoes are always very refreshing as well, which is a great a great fruit to have. So now let's let's switch into like that.

school shift, which always seems to creep up faster than we like. that we, you know, we talked about the summer, we talked about like before during it, but now we're talking about the after like, oh my goodness, you know, because it can be feel kind of like jarring, you know, like you've had this great summer, you had these activities, you had these lulls, the down times, right? So what's advice for helping kids adjust back into a school routine after such a relaxed summer without feeling it being like a hard reset because I think that's what happens. They feel like it's a hard reset on that one. Agreed. I would say that we ease into it. So a few weeks prior to school beginning, a couple of weeks, one week, you know, we're gradually moving the bedtime closer to what we're expected to be using during the school year. Our wake up time, you know, you don't want it to be too hard of a reset because that's hard for the system to process. mean, sometimes it does happen and it's just, you know, a lot of days of crankiness and exhaustion and falling asleep on the way home, you know, as we're getting back into the swing of things. But I would say I started with sleep because sleep is something that comes up as a big theme in my work with families, making sure that we are trying to reset ourselves back onto or close to approximating

what the sleep routine and expectations are going to be once the school year begins. And I mentioned this a lot because even during the school year or summer, we have sleep needs depending on the age of the child. It varies, but I would say that even as teenagers who are in high school, if we're not getting close to eight hours of sleep per night and teenagers always go, what? Because eight hours seems so foreign to them.

But that's really what our brains are requiring, especially at such another critical time of brain development and maturation, that making sure that we are planning around how to get back into a rhythm that permits us to have sufficient sleep, I think is the most important thing. I'd also say, you know, helping to build some level of excitement that can come in the form of thinking about if their school schedules are released, if they know what teacher they'll have, if they know who's going to be in their class. Those are things that we can start introducing if it's a big year, our fifth grade year, our eighth grade year, oh, this is the year where you're going to have the big field trip that only fifth or eighth graders get to do, whatever it might be. I start to tiptoe back into the language of school, not that school is a bad word, but most kids don't want to talk about it during the summer. So making sure to kind of ease back into and then having a good plan around organization. So again, we maybe have used the summer as an opportunity to do some of that meal planning and structuring. So now we want to take what worked and what was most efficient and effective and well received and maybe create new routines and habits that

we learned over the summer, but that are going to really help streamline things back in the school year when the pace is just a little more rushed. Do you, do you, what do you think about bringing back like the get ready checklist? you, you, how do you, what are your thoughts on that one? Like, just to get ready for the summer, like from summer to go into the school year.

Do you, are you a strong believer in that? Do you think that this is something that would be beneficial for the children? think it helps. And also parents, mean, would that be also something to consider? Sure. And just by my definition, a get ready checklist, maybe it's a little more practical. So do we have a backpack? Do we have a laptop? Do we have supplies? Do we have, you know, vaccines or whatever the school is requesting?

You know, a checklist certainly, I live by them. I have checklists all around my office because that's how I keep things getting done versus trying to hold it all in my working memory, which is overloaded already. Always overloaded. So checklists, I think, are very practical and sensible because it helps us to make sure that we are getting things done and that we're not forgetting. And then there's some satisfaction, I'll say, in just being able to check it off. and seeing that our list is shrinking or we're getting some things done. So I am a big fan of checklists in general and certainly as you know more expectations get added back on in the school year checklists are going to make sure or help us make sure that we're not forgetting some key things. No I do I do believe that and I think that kids I think the older that the kids get i think they too when they have to do their agendas and the teachers tell them you know the homeworks and things of that nature or do projects that are do i think they too feel a sense of. don't know what the country that conference and also a satisfaction of doing like how we feel like i know how i feel when i check my task off that list right so there's something to be said about that i'm do you agree with the saying that the child the children. feel the same satisfaction that they've completed that and now they can move on. Definitely. Especially after college and now you have the college applications and then you keep moving and then you just keep going forward. Oh my gosh. There's deadlines and there's always a deadline. You want to beat that deadline because you don't want to do it the night before because you just don't know what might happen. Correct. Now the only caveat I'll throw in there is that this generation is not as fond of tangible checklist, so they probably do a lot of it electronically. And I try to get into that system, but I think I'm just still a dinosaur where I have my post-its and things are gonna get written down. Yep, that's okay. That's all right. At least you write it down. Yes. Right? At least you write it down. Yes. Yeah. Now we have some kids who have a really good intention and put it. on a phone or device and then it just doesn't get done. And those are kids who maybe do need to transfer that onto a paper, onto a dry erase board, somewhere concrete that they can then visibly appreciate and use that to anchor how much time they're spending doing things and how their planning is gonna flow during the week. So I would say that just because this generation of kids leans towards electronics doesn't mean that they may not benefit from

having things written as well. So it might be a little tiny battle, but maybe we can always invite them to try and see and get a sense of whether it works versus saying, that's just not how we do things, as teenagers. Right. Yeah, sometimes they do tell you what works and what doesn't work. Because every child's different, right? Right. And to that point, just elaborate a little bit more.

And this actually is again outlined in the book I mentioned by Dr. Russ Green. It's okay to try some things out and see if they work. Then we keep them. And if they don't, we go back to the drawing board and try to come up with a different plan. But there is a little sense at times for kids and teens in particular, especially tweens of I almost need to go through the motions in order to relent and see that maybe that wasn't the best way to do things. But sometimes parents were surprised because maybe they say, I'm really tired and I want to get to bed, but I'm going to wake up early tomorrow and do my homework or study. And we say, I'm not so sure about that. But some kids actually thrive in that system. And if they do it and there's flexibility on the parents part to try it out and it works, what a boost of confidence. and independence in the child who came up with the plan, followed through and found that it worked. I think that's something to celebrate. And we need to, as parents, sometimes have a little bit of flexibility ourselves because sometimes our kids are differently minded, have just different systems of their own. So I wouldn't move away from allowing at times with a reason. for a child or a teenager to come up with a different way and try it out. And certainly if it doesn't work, then we reconvene and say, you know what, we tried. It didn't really give the results that we were hoping for. We're gonna try something a little different this time. No, you're absolutely correct. So as I mentioned, I have two girls and they are completely different. They do things differently, they study differently. And you know what, that's okay. I mean, I think that that's actually okay. So yeah, so.

They do things a little bit differently at the end result though, it gets done. So I think that also is something's hard for a parent sometimes to kind of see. don't know if you can attest to that where they wanted all the same for all the children, but a lot of times it just doesn't work that way, which you had just mentioned as well, to let them figure out the process, right? And then give them maybe suggestions on how to, but then again,

If it doesn't work, doesn't work. And then you just move on to something else. Right. So I guess for the child, well, Tyler's not really, but more of the tweens and the teens, is that where you're coming? I guess that's where I'm at because mine are a little bit older. So that's how I can see already the difference between my girls. Yes. And I don't think that this is gender specific. I know obviously you have girls and I have boys, so it's our only lived experience as parents. I would say in general, personalities are different.

Temperaments are different. Executive functioning skills may be different even though they're raised in the same environment. They're just wired differently. Regardless. Yeah. So I do like to observe and reflect. Hey, I noticed that. What do you think of that? Is that working for you? Or, you know, you've been getting your homework started really late. and then you're not getting to bed on time. And then in the mornings I see you dragging, let's figure something out because that might not be the best way to do things. So a lot of times we're able to use that data from observation to then come back to a conversation where we can brainstorm collaboratively again. And I think that there's a lot of benefit from that because again, it's not that as a parent we say,

you're gonna do this and this and this at this time, as kids get older and move towards a place of needing a little bit more autonomy and decision-making power, we don't hand over the reins, but we teach them how we troubleshoot when things aren't quite working the best way possible. That brings us to the end of today's episode. A huge thank you to Dr. Susan Acosta for joining us and sharing such thoughtful

Insightful advice on how we can support our kids with light structure, emotional balance, and ease during the summer months. I hope this conversation gave you some fresh ideas and gentle reminders that routines don't have to be rigid. They can be flexible, empowering, and even fun. Whether it's a simple morning rhythm or a weekly family check-in, those small moments of structure can truly make a difference. If this episode resonated with you, don't forget to follow or subscribe wherever you're listening. And if you're looking for more tips to simplify your home life or create routines that actually work, head to our website or reach out to book a coaching session with me. You don't have to do this alone. We're here to support you step by step, little by little. Thank you again, Dr. Acosta. To all of our listeners, until next time, stay well and keep organizing with ease.